Do you ever had that type of relation with yourself when you feel something is missing, and you feel like you need to fill yourself with shit when you know you won’t get fill? This type of feeling that constant evolves, and make you hate yourself!
You feel it growing inside your body like a virus, a cancer that devour your soul and ask you for more.
The great question is more of what?
More Of What ? MOW sounds like a MMORPG NickName, but there’s nothing funny about this. I asked this question for so long, it could have been a trademark, a catchphrase.
More Power, More Love, More Money, More Food, More Sensation, More Blood, More Tears, More Sweat, More Recognition, More Respect…
It was like the “More” became a Leitmotiv to me, a way to live, and in the same time if I hadn’t got ” More ” my body would make me pay for this. I was feeding my days of anger, anger of not being taken seriously, anger because I wanted to get that “more”, and I felt that nobody could give me that more. As much as I felt that the others couldn’t give me that “more”, I tried to get it by myself, by insulting people, by trying to provoke people, to raise their hate on me, just because I wanted to notice me.
But the trouble is that when they noticed me, they get hurt in the same time, and I didn’t felt that. All I saw was me, and what I could do to raise above them.
But the truth was in fact wrong, As I was going higher, I was starving more and more of this ” more “! I wanted my friends to notice me, after their friends, after the people on Facebook, after some celebrities on Twitter, I wanted everybody to notice me, and I was dying when I realized that nobody cares about what I had to say.
Recently…I had the biggest and baddest Backlash you could ever had.
I was Crawling on the Web, trying to fill my cravings like everyday, and then I saw a video that just replace my “more”hunger, by a humble feeling.
The video was called ” Not Alone” By Linkin Park, For those who don’t know, Linkin Park is a famous Rock/Alternative Band that boomed at the beginning of the 00’s with songs Like ” Crawling”, “In the End”, “Faint”, “Numb” or “Breaking the Habit”. The song “Not Alone” has been made by Linkin Park right after the earthquake that shook Haiti January 12th, 2010, following their ‘Download To Donate’ association to help the survivors of this big drama.
The pics of the damages after the earthquake, the dead people, the poor that begs for help, this is just insanely sad and he made me think about my position in the world. Who am I to try to get famous, when such people that didn’t ask or anything, are just barely living after this drama? What did it bring to me? Am I happier than them? And the answer came right to my face and it was hard but obvious : NO! HELL NO!!
I maybe the worst person ever…and then the lyrics began to resonate in my head…”You are not alone” and I figure out that this song is also for me. I know it’s a little bit selfish, but I really saw my situation, I was thinking about my family, my friends, my hearts…and I thought, man , what in the blue hell are you doing? They’re here to love you, not to support you. If you keep on ignoring their heart, it will be close forever, and you’ll be alone, loveless!
At this moment, I had the loudest and the most hurtful tears I’ve ever had. This was like my cancer was rolling through my tears, it was like I was crying tears of blood.
And, you may think I’m crazy, but I wish it’ll happen to you. This is one of the happiest moment of my life, finally I see the light, I received the loudest slap of my life, and I enjoyed it.
I really wish, the “more” will become the “enough”, cause I really think that I’m finally ready to enjoy what is the real life!
So new Year, Means New Life ?
All The Way, Let’s Face It : Life Rocks